dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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