No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
