This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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