I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
