You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
