Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
