I am in a vortex of obligation.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
