Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
