I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
