I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
