I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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