i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
