apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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