I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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