marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
