so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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