I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
