Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
