i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
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