It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I want a musical about memes.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
