He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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