how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
