this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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