Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
