It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
