i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
