so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
