Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
