Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
