The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
