So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
