so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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