Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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