HIV tests are more positive than that guy
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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