She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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