i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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