I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Randomize
