I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
