he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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