I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
