Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
