There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you had me at cake vodka
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
