how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
the raccoons are back...
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