I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
