She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
