D3 body, D1 cock
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Randomize
