My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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