Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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