You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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