i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
