When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
