the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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