Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
