i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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