Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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