So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
