i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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