Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
